For Evan

Well, here I am 70 pounds lighter.

 I have dreamed of losing weight for a long time now but life kept getting in the way. At least I can try and blame life but it was me; you see, no matter how much this modern day world wants to tell you all your problems are someone else’s fault, more times than not it’s yours. I’ve loved to eat all my life; I was a fat kid and a fat adult with a few years of skinniness now and again. I grew up in a time when being a big eater of all the wrong foods was no big deal. My parents went from living off the farm to the modern convenience of the grocery store. Ahhh, the grocery store where everything is lined up on shelves for you. That might be when things starting going downhill. For food to sit on a shelf it has to be preserved…hmmm. So what does man do but get out his chemist set and come up with all kinds of additives to make food stay fresh longer. We live in a world of convenience. We no longer have to gather and hunt, but we continue to eat like we are driving steel on the coast to coast railway. Our modern day life is one that we take for granted. We feel we need rewards and comfort; every whim should be satisfied. I fed all the bad days I had with food. Not enough money in the bank this week; let’s eat! Lost another job, another plant shut down; let’s eat! It feels so good to have a full tummy when you’re sad, depressed or mad. What’s wrong, little Buster, bad day at school, have a cookie. All food ever gave me was a moment of satisfaction and years of not being who I wanted and needed to be. So last July I watched a movie called “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.” The guy went on a juice fast for sixty days and lost around seventy pounds. He had doctors monitoring him the whole time and with all the mass ingesting of vegetables and fruits, he nourished his fat, sick body back to health. He now calls it a reboot. You can look up the movie and his reboot program on the web. So I said to myself, “What one man can do, another man can do.” So I bought a new juicer, stocked up on fruits and veggies and went for it. My first attempt was 29 days on nothing but juice and all fruit smoothies. The first four days were hell. After that I felt better, lighter and had more energy than I had in a long time. I lost 31 pounds. It was a good jump start. After that I ate and juiced (for the vitamins). I would eat on the weekends and juice fasted during the work week. I continued to lose until I got to a total of 55 pounds. Then came the holidays. I stayed true to my plan, but kept eating more and more until I knew I was getting off track and gaining back weight. Time for another reboot! On New Year’s Day I started another juice fast and went thirty days this time. Since being off it I have tried to only eat micronutrient-rich food as much as I can. What is that? Rule of thumb . . . if it only has one ingredient you’re good to go. Honestly, it’s fruits, veggies, nuts, beans and as little processed food as you can (hard to do in this in the over-processed food world we live in). So this has been my journey and how I got where I am and how I hope to get where I want to be.

 The “For Evan” part? Well these first 70 pounds I dedicate to him. I have three boys who grew up to be fine men. Angie (my wife) raised these boys on a very healthy diet. They were all lean and trim all their growing up years. Until they got jobs and money of their own and they, like their dear old dad, love to eat and drown their troubles with food. You see, whenever their mom went out of town or we boys went on a man trip I would treat the boys to all kinds of goodies. Double stuff Oreos dipped in chocolate, M&M’s, pizza galore and all kind of naughty food stuff. I taught them “Hey, we all deserve a break today. We need to fill our sweet tooth. While mom’s away let me teach you how to eat badly.” Food + good time = winning combination? No; it was wrong message sent. So I imprinted a lust for food on their little brains and when they were let off their mom’s food chain they went at the world of processed food like they were starving. Of all my kids I guess mine and Evan’s food addiction are about the same. We love food and we’re never full. He learned that from me. So am I to blame? No more than my parents are to blame for the choices I made. All parents can lead, show and teach their kids all they want and that will stay with them, but later on they have to make the choice. I made bad choices when it came to how I ate. No one is to blame but me. I can whine about all the bad stuff that happened and go on about how it’s God’s, my parents or the universe’s fault or I can learn from it and move on. I wish I had never been fat, but maybe I needed that pain to get where I am now. Evan has started his weight loss journey and writes a very witty and very good blog about his journey. Evan is in the middle of two very dynamic brother’s. I know he felt at times he did not get the attention he deserved; but I know now he understands my wife and I were just trying to survive raising three very strong willed boys. I have given the other two their accolades through the years; now it’s Evan’s turn. To define Evan I would say he is a Godly man; he avoids confrontation, but stands up for what he believes; he is the family peacekeeper and just wants everyone to get along. There is so much he wants to do, but like me he lets his weight and food addictions keep him from being who he wants to be. But I know without a doubt he has the will & faith to do anything he puts his mind to. He is my hero as I hope to be his someday when I finally reach my goal and I look in the mirror and see just me and not fat me. A father never forgets a disappointed look in his child’s eyes. I can name many through the years, but one that I want to mention here is this little story. A few years back Evan went to England. He wanted to bring us back gifts and asked what we wanted. My request was a black shirt from Hard Rock (I had bought one in Hawaii and wore it until it was threadbare). He came back with his gifts and proudly gave them to us. When he gave mine to me I noticed it was a XL (and was cut small at that) I was wearing an XXL and sometimes larger at the time. I knew it would not fit, but I tried it on anyway and, of course, I looked like sausage meat stuffed in an intestine tube. I’ll never forget the look in Evan’s eyes and how I disappointed him (not that he was disappointed in me; he’s not like that) because I could not enjoy the gift he went to so much trouble to get. “It was the biggest one they had, dad. I’m sorry,” still echoes in my ears. The shirt has hung in my closet since then. It stayed there because every time I looked at it I would say….someday. So Evan this is for you.

                                  Today is SOMEDAY! 

 Sorry for the pose. I was just trying to stand up straight. I’m such a slouch.

I’m still a big guy and I’m not where I need to be. According to my height I still have another 50 or more pounds to lose; depressing if you think about it. Depressing that I let myself get that big. Depressing that I have to fight for every pound lost. Depressing that I have to isolate myself from the social aspects of eating. But my wonderful wife has taught me that if you focus on the positives of life, the negatives will melt away. There is life after food addiction. A wonderful life. I will always be an addict just like anyone that tries to get away from the harmful things in this life. But my prayer this time is that I go all the way so I can enjoy life with my skinny wife and not look like the Hardy to her Laurel.

Things I have learned so far:
1. You would be surprised how little it takes to nourish your body. The rest just feeds fat.

2. Doing something like a fast teaches you that denying one’s self builds you up; giving in to every whim and pleasure will only pull you down. That is why there are all these don’ts in the Bible. Our flesh anchors us to this earth, but our spirit desires freedom. The more you keep feeding your fleshly desire then the more this world will pull you down.

3. Your mind and body may tell you you’re starving, but they lie. Wait until you’re truly hungry to eat and feed your body, not your brain, and for sure not your fat.

4. Know what full feels like and stop.

 5. The Juice Fast took away my desire for all the bad stuff, but it did not take long to reacquire it. So I will have to be forever vigilant and reboot whenever I go too far away from the good foods in this world.

6. Its okay to treat yourself but it needs to be the rare exception and not the everyday rule! Rewarding yourself with bad food is not a reward at all, but punishment directed towards your body.

So this is my story. I have gained and lost a lot over the last 20 or so years and have always gained more after losing a little. If you have not gone through this you may not understand why we fatties are fat. We all have our addictions; mine showed on the outside, yours may not. But don’t judge lest ye be judged. From what I can remember, I have weighed as much as 335 and as little as 265 in the past 15 years. I was at 317 when I started the first fast. Now I’m at 247. This is the least I’ve weighed in a long time. My hope is to get under 200 and be close to the weight I was when Angie and I got married. Maybe then we will renew our vows if she will have me for another 32+ years. When that day comes I will ask her. Until then I have something to look forward to. What do you say Angie? I’m thinking a barefoot wedding on the beach at Tybee. You’re all invited if and when we set a date : )